said unheard

there are only two more weeks that I’m here, fourteen days, until graduation and until new york city and until chicago and until florida and then thailand and then…. life. the days seem to be flashing before me and i’m not sure what to make of them. it’s like i’m watching a film of my own life — my own calculated responses and words to others, to myself, rising and waking and sleeping. where is there more? 

i used to feel so much more alive and open. free to live and free to let those around me be a part of my life, a part of what could affect me. there was a time when vulnerability and transparency were my favorite words and my automatic response to ‘how are you’s weren’t just ‘i’m good!’ i’m not sure exactly what changed or when it did, maybe the world and its ideals that everything needs to be exactly okay all of the time had something to do with it. a little bit.

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maybe the key is to blog more. there are too many things said unheard…