numbers

A few days ago, I had a somewhat memorable dream. I was sitting in an older, wood lodge cabin,… one of the ones you’d find at a ski lodge, with a huge fireplace. All around me were CCMC (now LWEC) college kids, asking how each other were, loving on one another, catching up, talking, laughing,… I was talking to someone new on the side, asking me what this community was like, and myself answering with a smile. It was home, I replied,.. what else could it be?

Then I got a phone call. “W… are you coming? We saved a seat for you.” I get a sudden glimpse (through my dream, go figure) of cornell. of my cornellian friends sitting at a large table, with one empty seat, with c.hung on the phone asking about where I was…

Then I woke up. feeling torn.. homesick.. lonely.

All this time,… I couldn’t, can’t let go of Chicago. Of the roads driven and places eaten and people prayed over, those who took the time to disciple and grow me, the time to talk to and teach and mold,… more often than not I’d feel, I do feel a void of that here.

Yet a couple of days ago at Mini-O’s, a brother of mine got hurt playing the snake game (think the cheap java game but with people). And as he was lying on the ground, blood gushing out of his left temple, and me and several alumni fumbling with first aid kits to bandage and clean,.. he says, “haha,… w, you know why I bought that first aid kit? it’s ’cause last year, you kept telling me to bring it,.. haha…”

And at that very moment, though I didn’t know it until today, that’s when our Father, my Father who had before only shown me family in suburbia illinois,… said this is your brother. He was suddenly the timmie’s, the tommy’s, the jon’s,..

And maybe it is because the junior class and I just spent the last.. almost 12 hours working on felly dinner food & presents in my dinky little apartment,… playing the pen game with toilets and aslan. But somehow, in the midst of the delirium,.. it’s there… You’re there…

edit: bandaged little bro & myself:

summer of ’06

As I was sifting through a friend’s old LJ posts… I found this,

http://statesofmyu.livejournal.com/64129.html

… ’cause I was  standing right behind him when he took that picture. It was a lonely night in the city — around 1 or 2 am, right after college + youth had done cold contact at downtown Naperville. Some of the college folk decided to drive into the city, get greasy fries, and sit with our toes in the sand on the beach,… wondering where we’d all be years from now. i secretly love the city of chicago.

… and, this:

http://statesofmyu.livejournal.com/63827.html

which reminded me of college exec that summer — the one filled with ministry clashes between CFC and IV, and what exactly were we doing about social justice, and trying (for the first time) to net back in some of the asian exodus that happens post-high school….

what a summer that was.

writing you these letters

excerpts from a letter i wrote myself a little more than two years ago in a half filled sanctuary in the Chicagoan suburbs… courtesy of e.

//

hey wendy. haha, God really has a way of working, you know. one of the things you wrote in your past letter was that you shouldn’t focus on your past,… so i didn’t include any of my past letters.

what is the past like?… what was your past like? a road marked with glimpses of grace, touches of mercy, all washed with your Savior’s love… wendy, you’ve grown so much. the next time you’ll read this, you’ll be 1/4 of the way done with college (note: i thought i’d get this back a year later… haha) i know i don’t see it a lot, but God’s been shaping you more and more to be a child of His, a daughter He takes pride in. this past summer has had its share of mistakes… but think about how much you have enjoyed just being with your Creator. think about the good,… and cling onto those.

[… insert personal reminders, sentiments, people & events….]

… it’s like we need that reminder from the past,… where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re going. light of the world is playing on 54’s ipod right now,… that’s your past. the joy and training that God’s given you at ccmc. look at your backpack,… cornell. that’s where you are now. bringing back news of the Gospel message from the east, reflecting, rejoicing, realizing the Bigness of You. and here we are, in that precarious balance,… finding myself ready to need You. trust You. delight in You.

be excited for what’s to come, wendy. think about God’s good work in your life. how He’s not done with You, at ccmc, at cornell, not just yet. there’s more to your life than just grades, just fellowship, just school,… and you know it. deep inside you where the Holy Spirit hovers, you know things aren’t the way they’re supposed to be. remember the promise of the Kingdom… revelation, when His glory falls on this earth.

and… PRAY for that. you’ve learned this semester how precious prayer is, and how important it is.

sing joyfully to the world
pray for your parents’ salvation
pray for those around you
just,… pray.

heads up, eyes up.
God was still good before you were born.

– wendy, 12.16.2005.