I had this thought today that I only have one semester until graduation. One semester until real jobs with real bills (all of them, not just rent/utilities/cable) and real vehicles with insurance and real.. everything? I thought about the last time I had this feeling — four years ago, being apprehensive about whether or not I should just admit defeat and go to UIUC like my parentals wanted.
I thought about how that year, senior year had been so challenging for me… and how much I think I was stretched and grew because of it. I spent a good chunk of my time in church crying or about to cry because of clashing visions and you guessed it, church drama. Maybe it’s the whole going to college halfway across the country thing, but I haven’t kept in touch with more than a handful of my high school friends…. sometimes it makes me sad, but sometimes I’m not quite sure how to feel about it.
Last Friday, we had an informal large group about thanksgiving and what it means to give thanks. Henry gave a brief message, then we split into groups to share and pray. Dave Smith shared a few things on his heart with my group, including a history of religion at Cornell and how God works in the long run. He also said this very curious thing: God has placed you at Cornell to show you something it’d be difficult to show you elsewhere.
And suddenly I felt like some sort of dam burst in my heart and there was sudden, brief clarity. What could I not have learned at UIUC, CFC? I did not learn comfort. I did not learn that great churches and fellowships brew at every college campus. I did not learn a guaranteed future — that I would naturally return home to Chicago and be merry for the rest of my days there. I would not have learned inner city — and the need that exists on a global scale. I would not have learned what it means to let go — to remember the past fondly as a life, then to move forward.
I’m sure there are many other things that are easy for me to see and know now, but would be difficult for me otherwise in other situations. I don’t even know what this post started as … something about my future? Hm…
when two worlds collide 