Archive for March, 2007

thoughts and such.

i’m starting to wonder if doing the ‘christian thang’ on campus is worth it.

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my answer is leaning towards no.

pocket power

Without Thy sweet mercy, I could not live here.
Sin would reduce me to utter despair,
But through Thy free goodness, my spirit’s revived
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.

the highlight of last week: (besides being completely immersed in middle eastern culture, hanging out in the ghettos of jersey city and the bronx, seeing old sgl’s, eating yummy egyptian food, and learning more about racial reconciliation than i ever expected in a week) sitting in worship with a 2 year old sitting behind you, singing how deep the father’s love for us. he probably didnt even know what half the words meant, but man.. how precious is that? :)

ps. — sign up on www.pocketpower.org! get free tracks. spread His good news :D

center

it’s just that feeling… you know? that feeling that something’s not right. the feeling that something’s missing in the world, in our lives. i think you summed it up perfectly last night in your jumble of thoughts and questions and run-on sentences.

it’s so … ___ being in the city again. but i feel like i’m on the wrong side of the river. i keep thinking about nycup and what they must be doing right now. i keep thinking about charles and simeon. i keep thinking about a week, it was only a week, a week is so fleeting and small and insignificant… i think about what it means to be jaded. i don’t ever want to be numb to a 13 year old asking for 100’s. i keep thinking about what it means for Jesus to say that the poor are blessed… and to look out into this great city and wonder if maybe Jesus was right and thought about this one when he was preaching all those years ago.

i keep thinking about how i grew up. i moved into suburbia when i was 9 and never left. i grew up with starbucks and dominicks and toyota acuras and chinese school on the weekend. my spirit is willing, but when push comes to shove, is my flesh willing? can i be faithful?

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sometimes i feel like i really don’t have words anymore.

it’s enough to make me wish i could crawl up into that ball and not think about.. anything anymore.

sing to me Your song

we drove through some of the poorest regions of jersey city today.

and in retrospect, i’m not really sure i know how to feel. being in the city is so … displaced from being in the bronx last year. part of me still can’t believe that i’m still thinking about the people from lpac, the sermons i heard that week, the questions God placed in my heart now that,… one year later, are still left unanswered.

i wonder if this is how all missions trips are supposed to be. i feel like this one’s haunting me.

how lovely…

a few days ago, when i was on my joy!-high, i asked myself if i would still be this joyful when my circumstances changed.

the last few days:

google talk, friend of god, 5:30 am, allergies, lab, interview, joint, cookies, last word, clean room :D.

drive, trucks, new york, jerseyy, egyptian families, ‘foul,’ little miss sunshine, jeans, black tea, joy.

egyptian service, path, subway, chinatown, vietnamese, tim keller!, starbucks, macy’s.

i love being here.

God is the source of joy :D

fleeting

who is man that You are mindful of us?

sigh.
things were a lot easier in fourth grade when i could slip you my chocolate chip cookie under the cafeteria table and it made things all better. other things don’t heal as quickly.

so good

today,

i am joyful

simply because

i was able to wake up in the morning

and breathe and be and feel and live

all by the unfathomable grace of jesus.

God is so good,

He’s so good to me…

you know, it’s been a while since i’ve experienced joy. i’m tired and busy and weary and have been running around campus for the past 16 hours, but yet.. i’m feel so much joy simply because God has saved my soul. this weekend has been a most excellent one indeed :)

//

so yesterday, i got into a little bit of an argument with an xy about what i think is one of the hardest things about cross-gender communications. in retrospect, it was a rather stupid argument that went along the lines of…

“do you want to open or close in prayer?”

“i don’t care.. ”

“well, the choice is yours..”

“i really don’t care…”

“okay then.. you open and i’ll close.”

“oh.. okay.”

“… what.”

“nothing!”

“okay, then you can close and i’ll open.”

“i didn’t say i’d rather close!”

“but you didn’t sound happy about having to open…”

“it’s prayer — i don’t care”

“why can’t you just tell me what you want?”

“oh gosh, this is about more than prayer, isn’t it”

“it’s just that simple though! just tell me what you want, or what you want to do..”

“yo it’s not that easy!!”

“guys can’t read girls’ minds!”

and so on and so forth… until finally,

“we’re so dumb. how does God put up with people like us?”

“i have absolutely no idea… ”

“… let’s pray.”

it’s almost funny how these things come up over and over, how sometimes we learn — and then again, sometimes we don’t. once again, nothing against the person that this conversation was with — just one example of the classic xx/xy communication conflict.

… i bet you’re wondering who opened and closed now :P