Archive for February, 2008

harmony

I had a dream of this song, being sung in a harmony of voices and instruments during praise:

oh, how we long to be with You
You are our joy and our crown
and we, take delight in Your presence
oh how we love You
oh how we love You

 

in the midst of a week bookended with interviews, career fair, & thoughts of the future looming upon us,…. it’s good to know His presence is the source of true joy & delight.

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to write love

three+ years ago, you told me about the scars on your arms. the results of nights of despair, of hopelessness,… nights where the dawn seemed too far away.

since then, i’ve seen the evidence on others. the prom queen whom everyone thinks ‘has it all.’ the cool photography major who always seems to wear long sleeves,… even in the summer. it’s seen that 20% of all teens will suffer from depression at some time before they reach adulthood.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she’s known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don’t get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won’t solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we’re called home.

– excerpt from to write love on her arms.

…this is rescue
go and do likewise.

contra-conditional

currently spinning: came to the rescue — hillsong united (acoustic)

there are days when it feels like there’s an epic battle discerning how to act and love and support my fellowship.

i’ve always considered taking an year off from school to go on staff somewhere. intervarsity at it’s best is an organization that i believe can be engaging college students to be concerned with the kingdom of god in a tangible & ideological way. yet, when i think that it’s my school that no staff desire to come to,… that it’s my school that has the need,… i shudder at the idea of having to stay here another year.

i realize that for those in chicago, never once did i seriously consider leaving or abandoning the people, the church, the leadership, because of roadblocks or bumps. i realize that even on swavt, despite all of the messiness and brokenness our team had, never once did i want to put into action feelings of dissatisfaction and disgruntled-ness. or through messy relationships & a more than exuberant youth group,…  somehow, God was gracious enough  to show me beyond the mess into something beautiful.
when will i learn what it means to love despite unloving people? when will i see that love is not even unconditional, but conditional on the fact that those i (struggle to) serve have also been recipients of blood spilled by the lamb?

sigh. i keep thinking back to a brother’s story of a conference he went to,… of how when there was conflict, the worship team leader once stopped in mid-song and confessed he couldn’t keep worshipping when he knew the body of christ had been broken as such.

i look at my school and,… am, remain, very doubtful that something like that could ever happen.

summer of ’06

As I was sifting through a friend’s old LJ posts… I found this,

http://statesofmyu.livejournal.com/64129.html

… ’cause I was  standing right behind him when he took that picture. It was a lonely night in the city — around 1 or 2 am, right after college + youth had done cold contact at downtown Naperville. Some of the college folk decided to drive into the city, get greasy fries, and sit with our toes in the sand on the beach,… wondering where we’d all be years from now. i secretly love the city of chicago.

… and, this:

http://statesofmyu.livejournal.com/63827.html

which reminded me of college exec that summer — the one filled with ministry clashes between CFC and IV, and what exactly were we doing about social justice, and trying (for the first time) to net back in some of the asian exodus that happens post-high school….

what a summer that was.

writing you these letters

excerpts from a letter i wrote myself a little more than two years ago in a half filled sanctuary in the Chicagoan suburbs… courtesy of e.

//

hey wendy. haha, God really has a way of working, you know. one of the things you wrote in your past letter was that you shouldn’t focus on your past,… so i didn’t include any of my past letters.

what is the past like?… what was your past like? a road marked with glimpses of grace, touches of mercy, all washed with your Savior’s love… wendy, you’ve grown so much. the next time you’ll read this, you’ll be 1/4 of the way done with college (note: i thought i’d get this back a year later… haha) i know i don’t see it a lot, but God’s been shaping you more and more to be a child of His, a daughter He takes pride in. this past summer has had its share of mistakes… but think about how much you have enjoyed just being with your Creator. think about the good,… and cling onto those.

[… insert personal reminders, sentiments, people & events….]

… it’s like we need that reminder from the past,… where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re going. light of the world is playing on 54’s ipod right now,… that’s your past. the joy and training that God’s given you at ccmc. look at your backpack,… cornell. that’s where you are now. bringing back news of the Gospel message from the east, reflecting, rejoicing, realizing the Bigness of You. and here we are, in that precarious balance,… finding myself ready to need You. trust You. delight in You.

be excited for what’s to come, wendy. think about God’s good work in your life. how He’s not done with You, at ccmc, at cornell, not just yet. there’s more to your life than just grades, just fellowship, just school,… and you know it. deep inside you where the Holy Spirit hovers, you know things aren’t the way they’re supposed to be. remember the promise of the Kingdom… revelation, when His glory falls on this earth.

and… PRAY for that. you’ve learned this semester how precious prayer is, and how important it is.

sing joyfully to the world
pray for your parents’ salvation
pray for those around you
just,… pray.

heads up, eyes up.
God was still good before you were born.

– wendy, 12.16.2005.