Archive for the 'snapshots' Category

said unheard

there are only two more weeks that I’m here, fourteen days, until graduation and until new york city and until chicago and until florida and then thailand and then…. life. the days seem to be flashing before me and i’m not sure what to make of them. it’s like i’m watching a film of my own life — my own calculated responses and words to others, to myself, rising and waking and sleeping. where is there more? 

i used to feel so much more alive and open. free to live and free to let those around me be a part of my life, a part of what could affect me. there was a time when vulnerability and transparency were my favorite words and my automatic response to ‘how are you’s weren’t just ‘i’m good!’ i’m not sure exactly what changed or when it did, maybe the world and its ideals that everything needs to be exactly okay all of the time had something to do with it. a little bit.


maybe the key is to blog more. there are too many things said unheard…

lost in a cloud

So I’m sitting here, working on my project for one of the phd level classes i’m taking about alternatives to spacecraft propulsion through solar sailing, and I’m listening to this song about the transfiguration by sufjan stevens and thinking about how good it is that God has come near.


the last lyrics of the song:
What he said to them, 
the voice of God: the most beloved son. 
Consider what he says to you, consider what’s to come. 
The prophecy was put to death, 
was put to death, and so will the Son. 
And keep your word, disguise the vision ’till the time has come. 

Lost in the cloud, a voice. Have no fear! We draw near! 
Lost in the cloud, a sign. Son of man! Turn your ear.  


Sophomore year of college, I used to pull an all-nighter almost every week (Two physics problem sets due Friday plus small group late on Thursday night = allnighter!!). Yet, these days when I get less than 6 hours of sleep, the next morning feels like the living dead. 




Anyway, this coffee press that my dad got me for Christmas is surely going into good use :) Rwandan free-trade coffee never tasted better!


There are days when it seems that the tangible world around me is just fading, fading and then…




It seems the older I get the more natural it is for death to be… more natural. It doesn’t necessarily make it any easier to cope with.

To the one with the wounded heart
The years fighting have left you scarred
Wait the light will come
To the one with the distant eyes
All this crying has left you dry
Wait the light will come
Wait the light will come
Lift your eyes
The sun has overcome the night
Come alive
As we shine in loves true light

Here is laughter beyond the tears
Here is courage to face your fears
Look the light has come
So rise you daughters and stand you sons
Claim the victory that Jesus won
Look the Light has come
Look the Light has come


A friend of mine made the observation this previous summer that for the majority of my (semi)adult life, I’ve been operating under the pretense of being independent and thus, comes the ease in disagreeing with my parents. Throughout all of highschool and most of college, I’ve learned that the fundamental thing that separates myself with my family, deeper than even the home and blood we share, is a faith in Jesus Christ that puts us in drastically separate places on the other side of death.

Because of this, I’ve ensued in a number of arguments, disagreements, fits, where my parents claim such things that I believe in are but a fads and phases… because of this, it is now that I have no problem disagreeing with them and standing up for what I believe in. My entire life has been a series of rebellious cases against them, though contradictory to the nominal definition of ‘rebellion.’

Though the ease does not come without heartache, nor the exasperation I feel whenever I hear them talk about how important a successful career, successful marriage, successful life, all are…


i truly believe
that deep down inside
beyond the makeup and grades and boys and compliments
every daughter just wants to know
that she’s Loved
that she’s beautiful 
and that she cannot be measured by anything she accomplishes or does but only by who she is…
a Daughter of a Father.



if you close your eyes and listen real close
you just might hear your heartbeat
and may its rhythm lull you to rest
on this peaceful, unsettled night
for it’s the whisper of His love for you

the resolution

Well, there is it. The Chicago Cubs… breaking hearts since 1908 =/


ANOTHER YEAR…… (as we say every year). You’ll see — one of these days we’ll make it to the World Series and I shall make it — right along the first baseline, cheering them cubbies on. (Unless of course, Jesus returns and raptures us all before then,… which is looking to be quite likely as of now….)

For the early birds, Cornell will be on the Early Show on CBS! Alumni David Price will be doing something or another, but hey free coffee :) /7am EST.

As for now… another long night ahead as I type up scientific reports for why energy levels of mercury are quantized. w00t!

PS. I don’t know if anyone’s noticed, but recently my blog post titles have been songs. Props if you can guess what they are :)

for the widows in paradise

I should begin seriously praying about where to go overseas next summer.




(and how I shall break the news to the parentals…)

stuck on You

One of the more interesting aspects of working a minimum wage job 10 hours a week to pay for you know, electricity and heat and internet is where I work — Anabel Taylor Hall. Or, for those not familiar with my school, it’s the home of the United Religious Works. It’s essentially three floors of all the somewhat mainstream religious groups you can find all under one delightfully terse yet ‘loving(?)’ roof. We house groups ranging from Latter Day Saints to Hillel to Navs and Cru and IV and Christian Scientists and the Humanists and pretty much 30+ others.


With Ramandan these past few weeks, a number of students from MECA have been coming in and out of the front office asking for keys, equipment, etc. for their daily prayer meetings. The first time one of the guys came in, we shared a conversation as such:


“Hi, can I get the mic?”

“Sure no problem — what group are you part of?”

“Meca. It’s for our daily prayer meetings for Ramandan.”

“Cool — what happens during your prayer meetings?”

“Well… we basically give praise to God and say hymns and recite things out of our books. It’s different from Christian prayer because instead of just asking for things, we actually worship Him…”


At which point I mentally went ‘Oof!’ How sad is it that the impression of our conversations with a gracious and righteous Father is simmered down to only this — a nagging child asking for more and more… stuff? =/

the truth

This morning I woke up with a very, very sore neck, back, and arms — most likely the result of being on my feet and entertaining corporate guests for 12+ hours yesterday. I smiled, nodded, accepted resumes, called out fakers, smiled some more and… maybe accomplished very little.

Sometimes I wonder about the Romans and think, in an accomplishment driven society that they lived in when Christ was introduced to them… what did they think of these poor, often ratty disciples who called them to repentance? What did they think of John Mark, one of their own, who came returned with such an easy gospel to understand that calls us to repent and lay down our lives for a homeless man! What did they think when the royalty and lavishness and accomplishments they have built up in this earth meant nothing…. for a King who has come to ransom them all didn’t have a degree, much pedigree, nor a clean bloodline.

Sometimes I wonder how people see Jesus but then I wonder if they just see me and think this is what a life filled with grace (or, supposedly so) must be. A covet-er of busyness, pride, and ambition. Such is not a man, a Son that I follow…. I had this random thought last night before I drifted to sleep that I’ve lied to every single person I’ve ever met. What a wretched soul must be of mine =/