Archive for the 'snapshots' Category

for the widows in paradise

I should begin seriously praying about where to go overseas next summer.




(and how I shall break the news to the parentals…)

stuck on You

One of the more interesting aspects of working a minimum wage job 10 hours a week to pay for you know, electricity and heat and internet is where I work — Anabel Taylor Hall. Or, for those not familiar with my school, it’s the home of the United Religious Works. It’s essentially three floors of all the somewhat mainstream religious groups you can find all under one delightfully terse yet ‘loving(?)’ roof. We house groups ranging from Latter Day Saints to Hillel to Navs and Cru and IV and Christian Scientists and the Humanists and pretty much 30+ others.


With Ramandan these past few weeks, a number of students from MECA have been coming in and out of the front office asking for keys, equipment, etc. for their daily prayer meetings. The first time one of the guys came in, we shared a conversation as such:


“Hi, can I get the mic?”

“Sure no problem — what group are you part of?”

“Meca. It’s for our daily prayer meetings for Ramandan.”

“Cool — what happens during your prayer meetings?”

“Well… we basically give praise to God and say hymns and recite things out of our books. It’s different from Christian prayer because instead of just asking for things, we actually worship Him…”


At which point I mentally went ‘Oof!’ How sad is it that the impression of our conversations with a gracious and righteous Father is simmered down to only this — a nagging child asking for more and more… stuff? =/

the truth

This morning I woke up with a very, very sore neck, back, and arms — most likely the result of being on my feet and entertaining corporate guests for 12+ hours yesterday. I smiled, nodded, accepted resumes, called out fakers, smiled some more and… maybe accomplished very little.

Sometimes I wonder about the Romans and think, in an accomplishment driven society that they lived in when Christ was introduced to them… what did they think of these poor, often ratty disciples who called them to repentance? What did they think of John Mark, one of their own, who came returned with such an easy gospel to understand that calls us to repent and lay down our lives for a homeless man! What did they think when the royalty and lavishness and accomplishments they have built up in this earth meant nothing…. for a King who has come to ransom them all didn’t have a degree, much pedigree, nor a clean bloodline.

Sometimes I wonder how people see Jesus but then I wonder if they just see me and think this is what a life filled with grace (or, supposedly so) must be. A covet-er of busyness, pride, and ambition. Such is not a man, a Son that I follow…. I had this random thought last night before I drifted to sleep that I’ve lied to every single person I’ve ever met. What a wretched soul must be of mine =/

wedding mania

And,… there is it — the first wedding I’ll attend, to quote John, ‘as a grown-up.’ The last one I attended was when my discipler from my home church got married summer after high school…  but since that one was in Wheaton, and planned out accordingly so with the slew of other girls who were in the wedding, I’m not sure it counts as a ‘wedding’ persay.

But now,.. someone from college is getting married. I know the bride a lot better than the groom — she and I met up every week when she was a grad student and I was a dumb freshman,… sharing about our own walks and scripture and God’s heart for missions and praying, many hours praying at the fading wooden tables in Ivy Room. I’m so excited to see her start a new chapter of life with her hubby :)

And so it starts! The weddings, the scrambling for plane tickets and gifts and dresses… ahhhh. It still seems surreal that I’m old enough to start going to these things,… just the other day it seems like I was still seventeen and prancing around in the parking lot outside the wedding rehearsal dinner, wondering what the future would bring outside of suburbia Chicago…


every morning, i wake up and the truth of my status hits me like a cold shower.

Daddy, i’m not ready for this week…


take my body, build it up

may it be broken as an offering of love

i have nothing,… i have nothing

without You

all i once held dear..

I’m currently enrolled, and will be graduating early (possibly to obtain a Masters) of the #1 Applied & Engineering Physics program in the nation. On my desk are two fed-ex envelopes, both offers for the summer, envelopes filled with promises of internships & wealth (kind of). I sit, typing at my semi-ancient (but still functional) labtop computer, with electrical lighting, in a nicely heated apartment in the continental United States.

The world tells me I have everything it could offer,

but i beg to differ.
i want more.

i think sometimes i get so caught up
in this notion of what’s GOOD and what’s GOOD for me,
me who is so selfish and weak and wanting the attention
and fame and glory of some prestigious internship position. maybe
just maybe, thats why this semester has been so nerve wracking
with notions of THE CALLING and maybe how i’ll fail God
by going the engineering route, or how i might fail my parents
by going the staff worker route, or how i have no clue
what i’m supposed to be doing anymore, and i just need
to let go
and let God
tell me what’s best.