Archive for the 'people' Category

contra-conditional

currently spinning: came to the rescue — hillsong united (acoustic)

there are days when it feels like there’s an epic battle discerning how to act and love and support my fellowship.

i’ve always considered taking an year off from school to go on staff somewhere. intervarsity at it’s best is an organization that i believe can be engaging college students to be concerned with the kingdom of god in a tangible & ideological way. yet, when i think that it’s my school that no staff desire to come to,… that it’s my school that has the need,… i shudder at the idea of having to stay here another year.

i realize that for those in chicago, never once did i seriously consider leaving or abandoning the people, the church, the leadership, because of roadblocks or bumps. i realize that even on swavt, despite all of the messiness and brokenness our team had, never once did i want to put into action feelings of dissatisfaction and disgruntled-ness. or through messy relationships & a more than exuberant youth group,…  somehow, God was gracious enough  to show me beyond the mess into something beautiful.
when will i learn what it means to love despite unloving people? when will i see that love is not even unconditional, but conditional on the fact that those i (struggle to) serve have also been recipients of blood spilled by the lamb?

sigh. i keep thinking back to a brother’s story of a conference he went to,… of how when there was conflict, the worship team leader once stopped in mid-song and confessed he couldn’t keep worshipping when he knew the body of christ had been broken as such.

i look at my school and,… am, remain, very doubtful that something like that could ever happen.

it doesn’t mean anything… does it?

More than a few months ago (maybe even a year ago), I made a post on a blog (similar to this one) about how Ohana means family, and family means noone gets left behind. I made a comparison to how the church is Family, (or… supposed to be Family).

Then a friend, through an IM, after reading my blog, made a comment to me: After reading your blog about how Ohana means family…  I couldn’t help but feel angry and bitter because i know that in any church, that means absolute bull.

At the time, I thought my friend was just suffering from some sort of resentment towards particular people within that church, or a few broken relationships. But you know… the older I get, the more small groups and fellowships and meetings I do to, see how that’s true. sometimes, the concept of family is just… nonexistent in church today.

how sad…

Once

Last night after informal praise, some of the girlys and I managed to catch this independent film at our local theatre. I actually enjoyed it — but it’s one of those, you’re not quite sure how to feel right after you leave the movie.

When the finishing credits came on, I literally said — ‘wait, that’s the ending?’ because in a way, it was so dissatisfying. The premise of the movie is about an unnamed boy who plays guitar on the street on the side, and works in his dad’s vacuum cleaner repair shop during the day. He bumps into this unnamed girl who works odd jobs during the day, but is an immigrant from the Czech Republic and loves to play the piano. In a somewhat magical and surreal setting, the two of them start to reveal their pasts to one another — the guy with an ex in London, and the girl’s husband who’s still abroad — through music & song.

All cheesiness aside though, what I expected to be a sappy chick musical/flick turned out to be a little combination of an indie, European version of Garden State (minus the hamsters, plus some guitars).

But I’m still left with the feeling of,… why didn’t the girl stay with the spunky guitar playing, somewhat of an emotional wreakage of a guy? hmmm…

//my favorite line from the movie:

girl: so you do this (playing guitar on the street) for a living, yeah?
guy: no, i actually work in a hoover repair shop..
girl: what a coincidence, eh! i have a broken hoover at home! i’ll bring it to you tomorrow, yeah?

News from this Ivy League & Beyond

Most days, I don’t remember/realize that I attend an Ivy League school. Today, however, it seemed excruciatingly clear the type of influence and power the children attending school here have/will have.

Why today? A friend of mine recently published an opinion piece in our local school newspaper that basically preached the gospel. Within hours, all of our Christian list-serves were flooded with, “Check out pg. 9 of the Daily Sun!”

What’s funnier/more interesting? are the comments on the online publication –> http://cornellsun.com/node/26351.

In other news, a teacher from Sudan was recently arrested for “defacing” the name of the Prophet Muhammad. Immediately thoughts of my near eastern class are flooding through my mind and the conflicts within Islam.

Anyway… back to my paper on radical fundamentalist Islam.

sunday mornings

I went to church on Sunday and all I get is a stupid bulletin,
(but that’s not actually true,)

aka, you’re not dead, you just forgot you’re alive.

//

these past few weeks have been wrestling, actually feeling like i’m wrestling with God in prayer to surrender, look at the bigger picture, and move on.

…. but why is that so.. hard?

the last five years, i have been a slave serving. would You love me the same if i stopped?

flashback

… and all of a sudden, I’m 16 and out of breath and hope and my mittens are dripping next to my sides, and i’m staring at your somewhat tear-stained face, wondering why you felt it necessary to not invite me to the emergency servant team meeting.

.. as i get older, i am more and more convinced that the same, petty high school drama that always existed never really goes away. i guess that’s just,… sin.

judgement

This is the one word that takes prey on female friendships and circles.

“I feel like you judge the things I say and do.”
“This group is so judgmental.. I can’t be myself around them.”
“… and if I do this, they’re just going to judge me for it.”

I confess to hearing many of these things, and saying them myself. But,… what does it really mean? Granted, the blame is never just on one party… but when you bring out that one phrase — you judged me — all excuses go out the window. It’s that one slightly ambiguous but morally threatening sin that we can bring up concerning other people that you can’t really put your finger on — you merely feel like you were being judged.

Two points to make:

Ultimate judgment comes from the Father. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. — 1 Cor 4:5. Ultimate judgment comes from our Heavenly Father who will judge all of us when the time comes, and will make His justice prevail. We do things not for the approval of others, but for the greater Judge.

And,… honestly, number two is, most times when we feel judged, it means that we’re hiding something. I can personally attest to that. So maybe the next time we feel judged, look at your own motives. Are they pure? Are they righteous? Or are we merely pushing our own sins and shortcomings on someone else pointing them out?

To close:

But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. — 1 Peter 4:5.

Do we waste time judging and point fingers, or helping one another grow and mature and serve? …You be the judge.

heartbeat

I wrote this is as a birthday gift for a friend of mine. I’m sure you have friends like these in your life too: hard-working, always on the go, and always trying to serve others. Well, this was my first attempt at writing a lullaby, because I figured that I’d write a song about finding rest in God. I wanted her to know that God loves her and holds her in His arms, and I guess for anyone, that’s a good thought to fall asleep to.
Pitter-patter, I hear her feet
They’re trotting through another day
A pace so fast, it’s hard to keep up
So, I’ll meet her at the end instead
Where she lifts a prayer and lays her thought-filled head down
I would say goodnight this way

*If you close your eyes and listen real close
You just might hear your heartbeat
And may its rhythm lull you to rest
On this peaceful or unsettled night
For it’s the whisper of His love for you

How many smiles she wins a day it’s hard to say
Supposing heaven only knows
Gives all she has and hardly asks for a thing
She even sings herself to sleep
But if I had the honor tonight
I’d sing for her this melody

The lights are off and darkness fills your little room
But you could still see everything
And if you’re restless tonight
Just close your eyes and listen real close
So close you’d hear your heartbeat
And may its rhythm lull you to rest
On this peaceful or unsettled night
For it’s the whisper of His love for you
For it’s His whisper saying “I love you”

//

This song paints the mental picture of a daughter of God, so desperately and deeply loved, finding solace and refuge in the strength and sovereignty of His promises. I know we all know women such as these… those who are radiant with the love of Christ and gentleness of His character. Each time I listen, it reminds me a little of what He’s (hopefully) molding me into, though I am worlds apart from it now,…

He loves you so much as to listen to your every heartbeat,… 

acapella

So tonight marks the night of my first acapella concert on campus (barring the all-Christian acapella group) and I must say, it was pretty cool. I especially enjoyed this one song that seemed like it was a critique of the Gulf war — it’s always interesting and enjoyable hearing student and music groups being concerned and involved about politics, morality, and social issues in their music. There was this article I read a while back about how there’s this shift in rap music from songs about big bootys and bling bling into political issues and morality –… though, I’m not sure if that uh, has shifted back or not.

Anyway, point being: I enjoy music with depth =P

Although,… I did enjoy their rendition of It’s Business Time by Flight of the Conchords.  Business time, that’s why they call them business socks. 

the bible experience

Ever since hearing about this project last year, I never really paid attention to it. I’ve never really been into audio books, let alone audio bibles — I think mostly, because I love looking at texts as a whole. When I’m listening to something, it’s hard for me to fully grasp where something has been, and what’s to come. Maybe it’s just my intervarsity training, but the inductive-esque style of bible study are my chopsticks when it comes to digging through soul food — there’s something about laying out a passage, double spaced, in 3-4 pages in front of me and seeing connections, references, making notes, etc.

After watching the whole video clip,… wow. I know there’s been a lot of dispute about how it’s just a celebrity-filled reading of the Bible, but honestly, I truly believe this brings the Word of God alive in another dimension. It doesn’t have to be exegesis to be an experience of the Bible,… and for someone like me who’s used to wanting to know what’s before and what’s after, it’s a “w, you need to slow down and listen to what My Word is saying to you NOW” kind of experience.

I get this mental image of some key passages getting played at prayer meeting, large group, meetings,… and responding to the Word made life in such a tangible way.

So yes, in a nutshell, I am waiting for the 11/5