center

it’s just that feeling… you know? that feeling that something’s not right. the feeling that something’s missing in the world, in our lives. i think you summed it up perfectly last night in your jumble of thoughts and questions and run-on sentences.

it’s so … ___ being in the city again. but i feel like i’m on the wrong side of the river. i keep thinking about nycup and what they must be doing right now. i keep thinking about charles and simeon. i keep thinking about a week, it was only a week, a week is so fleeting and small and insignificant… i think about what it means to be jaded. i don’t ever want to be numb to a 13 year old asking for 100’s. i keep thinking about what it means for Jesus to say that the poor are blessed… and to look out into this great city and wonder if maybe Jesus was right and thought about this one when he was preaching all those years ago.

i keep thinking about how i grew up. i moved into suburbia when i was 9 and never left. i grew up with starbucks and dominicks and toyota acuras and chinese school on the weekend. my spirit is willing, but when push comes to shove, is my flesh willing? can i be faithful?

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sometimes i feel like i really don’t have words anymore.

it’s enough to make me wish i could crawl up into that ball and not think about.. anything anymore.

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